August 8, 2014  | Charlotte Chronicles  | (2)

Nathan

Her name wrenches from me like my heart is being pulled from my chest. She turns to  look at me and I see her anguish which compounds my own pain. What can I say? That I didn’t mean to hurt you. Intentions are meaningless. Acts matter.

The guy by her side tugs on her hand again. I want to drag him by his neck and throw him into the ocean. Roll a few logs over his face until he is unrecognizable. Doesn’t he know that Charlotte is mine? That she’s been mine since the day she was born? Time, distance, separation, none of that will sever our bond. None of it.

I hold my breath for what seems like forever. She’s here standing in front me more beautiful than I can remember. How long had it been since I last laid eyes on her?

Only seven hundred days eight hours and forty two minutes. Nearly two years.

“I want to see you,” I manage to gasp out. My tone is a mistake. It’s too harsh and she shrinks back.

The boy toy next to her places a protective arm around her shoulder and glares at me.  Cubby and Gonzo step up beside me which is even worse. Three SEALs glaring down at two innocent people. Or one innocent person. The other one—the male—is two heartbeats away from being demolished.

“Is there a problem here?” One of the gate guards designed to keep the public from bothering us while we train wanders over to diffuse what he sees as a tense situation.

“No, we’re leaving,” she says and reaches up to squeeze the man’s hand. Yes, he’s definitely losing that hand first before I dismantle the rest of him.

“I’m on shore leave in two days. I’m coming for you.” I yell after her.

Her gait breaks and the boy has to reach down and right her. But she doesn’t glance back. Not once.

I’m standing there as my woman leaves on the arm of another guy as my best friend, teammate and some random Navy gate guard looks on but the only burn I feel is from loss, not humiliation. I don’t care what these guys think of me. What matters is that Charlotte is walking away from me with a man who she has had close enough that he answers her phone.

But she’s here and she’s not doing any goddamn bird watching. There are two types of people who come down to this stretch of the beach. Those that want to run and those who are watching us run. She wanted to see me and …that’s as far as I can process why she’s here given that she won’t talk to me.

“I thought you were confident she’d say yes. Since she’s turning you down, the best option is to get drunk and laid. I say an early evening visit to McPs.”

“She looks good walking away. I’ll say that.” Bride cackles. He makes a slapping motion with his hand against the air.

“Do you want to get drowned?” I say evenly despite the adrenaline firing through my body. I’ve got aggressions and I want to take them out on someone. Bride’s a good target. “Because that’s how a guy gets drowned.”

“Not now man,” Cabby says recognizing the tenseness in my frame.

“When?” Bride is unhappy we aren’t having fun with each other. Taking the piss out of a team member is our version of a kiss and hug.

“Never,” I answer and start running. The sting is too sharp and though I run for miles, it doesn’t fade. My legs are tired, my lungs scream for air, but the only thing on my mind is her.

Charlotte

“You look wrecked,” Reese says when we get back to the Del.

“I am. Seeing him in the flesh is heartwrenching.”

“When did you last lay eyes on him?”

I drop onto my bed and curl into Reese’s warm comforting body. “Nearly two years ago. He was on leave and visiting his parents. They have this home on Lake Michigan north of the city. I was in the city too, helping Adnan Rabanah move. His wife wanted to see a home next to Michael Jordan’s old house. I popped into say hi to Aunt Grace and Nate was there, drinking chocolate milk at the kitchen table.” I smile ruefully at the memory. “He looked up and there was this brown milk mustache framing his upper lip and he was shirtless, wearing shorts and tennis shoes. I wrestled with the urge to leap over the counter and table and lick the chocolate off his mouth and then start exploring other areas.”

I’m not sure who was more surprised–him or me. He bolted out the back door saying he was going for a run. I waited there for over three hours and he never came back. I think that’s when I realized I was waiting for nothing.

“But you still haven’t moved on,”

“I want to.” I stare into the white ceiling of the hotel room searching for answers. “I don’t enjoy being lonely. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter. I have such good friends. You, Lainey, Nick. There’s always someone who will go out with me. And if I really want someone to get physical with, there are lots of available men. But  since forever, I’ve felt tethered to Nate and it’s more than having lost a boyfriend or a lover, but my best friend.”

Reese sighs. “I don’t believe that three one night stands are going to do it for you.”

“I need more?”

“I think you need to sleep with someone you care about. Maybe Nick?

“I couldn’t sleep with Nick!” I shudder. “It would be sleeping with my brother. Which is gross.”

“I don’t get how sleeping with Nick, who is not related to you, is incest but sleeping with Nate, who is Nick’s brother, is not.”

“You don’t have to understand. It just is.”

He knocks his fist against the top of my head. “You need someone like me but who’s straight. Who loves you and would be invested in making it good for you. Plus if you like him, you’ll feel less like cheating and more like…a friendly get together without clothes on.”

“I…I actually know someone like that.”

“Who?” Reese thought he knew all my friends but my relationship with Colin Matthews is quiet. We like it that way because it’s pressure free for him. But he’d sleep with me. He’d made advances before and I’d always turned him down–not because of Nathan but because I wanted Colin to have someone who loved him with her whole heart, not just a portion of it.

Could we sleep together without ruining our friendship?

“Just a guy. It’s someone I met when I was in treatment in Switzerland.”

“The LA guy?” Reese says knowingly.

“Yes him,” I admit. If there’s a job in LA, I always take it. Colin and I knock around privately. If you don’t want to be photographed and aren’t really into the scene, it’s easy enough to get around anonymously. Colin would always roll his eyes at the fake outrage by some celebrities when they are photographed eating the “motherfucking Grove.”

I peek up and his eyes are glowing with curiosity but before he can interrogate me, his phone rings and then mine.

“Charlotte Randolph here.”

“It’s Lainey. Why did we decide to buy a bar? Why?”

“Because it seemed like a fun investment at the time?”

“I’m tearing my hair out. We lost another server because she started sleeping with one of the Mustangs and after he stopped calling, she couldn’t be here when he flaunted his single status. Her words; not mine. Our policy of no sleeping with the customers needs to be better enforced.”

“Should we require them to take oaths of chastity before allowing them to don the apron?” I joke.

“We should have opened a trendy bar somewhere other than here where we served drinks with umbrellas.”

“Then order umbrellas and we’ll see if we can drive the Mustangs away.”

“And Nick will start wearing them behind his ear and we’ll have to put up a velvet rope to keep everyone out,” she grumbled. Lainey and Nick were like oil and water. She said he played too hard and he said she inability to smile more than once a week was scarring his young adulthood. Reese and I speculate that it is a sexual attraction but a lot of the time it does appear that they don’t like each other. Lainey, in particular, doesn’t seem to respect Nick and Nick, god love him, doesn’t appreciate all that Lainey has gone through.

And if there isn’t any respect between two people any kind of sexual attraction will leave them both unhappy. I don’t want that for either of my friends.

“Because she quit, I need to stay here and tend the bar but Nick came in this morning to tell me that there’s a rookie that needs help transitioning. He signed his rookie contract and he’s got a boatload of family obligations. I can’t really deal with it all so Reese needs to come home. I gave the rookie Reese’s number.”

I glance over at Reese who is throwing things into his case.

“I think they’re talking right now.”

“Great and I’m sorry for taking him away from you.”

“No problem. I’m going to get things wrapped up with Christian soon. Maybe a week.”

“I made a reservation for you at Tower23 if you’re tired of the Del,” she suggested.

“Out of the zone of danger?”

“It seems to me that if you’re a recovering alcoholic, you don’t stay next to a brewery.”

This made me laugh. “The Naval Base is a brewery?”

“I hear from Reese that they are churning out high quality products on a daily basis,” she proclaimed. I laugh a little more and say goodbye.

“Sorry, honey,” Reese kisses me on the cheek. “Call your LA guy. Go down to the Gaslamp district. Pick up a nice guy, take him to a nearby hotel, screw his brains out and come back here for the night.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” I say hugging him back.

“Do something,” he orders. “Don’t stay here. Don’t go to the beach. Get out and enjoy yourself.”

“Yes, dad.”

He opens the door and leans down to give me another kiss on the forehead. “I hate leaving you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Call me when you land.”

“I will.”

We hug again. I linger in the door as he walks down the hallway, past a few room service trays and a guy fiddling with a lock. The man, a big one with broad shoulders, turns to watch Reese’s retreating back before turning to face me.

“Nate,” I gasp. My hand flies to my throat. Hurriedly, I back into my room but I’m not fast enough. His foot and hand are in the doorway and it flies open.

“It’s been a long time Charlotte,” Nate says grimly.